Motherhood

In the throes of motherhood

Everyone says that these years will go by in the blink of an eye. Looking back on the years with young children will just be a blur. “The days will be long but the years will be short.” I am neck deep in chaos as I have two wild little boys under two. It seems like just yesterday that Ellis (our first son) was born, so I know that time is flying. There are already moments and milestones that, at the time I thought I would never forget, but have already begun to slip away. I want to be able to look back and remember this chaotic time in my life. I think.

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I am busier than I ever have been before. Sometimes I look back on different stages of my life and wonder what I did with all of my free time (which I thought I had so little of at each of those points). I thought I was so busy in college when I had classes to study for. After I graduated, I got a full time job and was even busier. I was working 60 hours a week and studying for my CPA exam before work each day. I thought I was so busy then. We got married, bought a house, and got pregnant in quick succession. Between working full time, the fatigue of pregnancy, and endless house projects, I was busier than ever. When Ellis was born, our world was turned upside down. My time was completely consumed. Less than a year later, we were pregnant again. Our second son, Henrik, was born just after Ellis turned 1 and a half. And I. Feel. Busy.

It is the second week after returning to work full-time from my maternity leave. This morning was particularly hectic and both of my children were whining and/or crying. Ellis was screaming for a “nack” (snack) and tugging at my leg saying “up up up.” Chris had just gotten out of the shower and it was my turn to get ready. I was already pushing my luck with getting out the door on time.  I struggled with guilt to hold him anyway as he has been wanting his daddy a lot more lately. He has been telling me with typical toddler sensitivity to “go” when I go into his room to get him out of his crib. So, I pick him an hold him even though I should be drying my hair. Nobody will care if I am a few minutes late to work. Ellis is still running around in his pajamas, and as I finally start to get ready, Chris tears through baskets of clean laundry (which has been sitting around waiting to be folded for days) looking for something for Ellis to wear. We have not been able to stay on top of our laundry since returning from a vacation to Arizona a week and a half ago. Chris eventually found clothes for Ellis, but I made sure that the daycare providers knew Chris was responsible for his outfit today. Meanwhile, Henrik is crying because he is not being held. Which is his preferred state of  existence.

To say that we are unorganized is an understatement. It is something that I am constantly trying to work on. Today (and admittedly a lot of other days) our house was a complete disaster. There are a number of reasons for this.

  1. We have already outgrown our 3 bedroom house. We have 4 family members and one dog (Gus). Our 3 month old is currently sleeping in the laundry room. Granted, it is a large laundry room. But it makes it difficult to do laundry when his bedtime is at 6pm.
  2. We have too many things. I am constantly trying to get rid of things. I am really trying to be better about not buying so many “things.”
  3. We have a toddler who is on a complete path of destruction every waking moment of his life.

At one point this morning, Chris suggested that we get another dog. WTF.

As we finally got everyone out the door and into the car seats in Chris’ car, Gus met us in the driveway. The gate was still open. Chris hauled him back to the back yard, closed the gate, and finally took off to daycare with the kids. It was at this point that I realized that my phone was missing. Another ten minutes was wasted in a fruitless search to find it. Now very late to work, I take off and email Chris when I get there. I wanted to let him know that he had forgotten to bring milk to daycare for Henrik.

Chris later found my phone in a bathroom drawer. It was most likely put there by Ellis, but I can’t completely dismiss the possibility that I may have put it there myself. I’ve done stranger things.

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